10 Reasons I Am Not a Good Texan

1. I don't eat beef.
2. I use my turn signals when I drive.
3. I begin to wilt when the temperature rises above 80°F.
4. The chili I make is vegetarian (vegan, actually). And it contains beans. When the authorities hear of this, I fully expect to be driven out of the state.
   
5. I don't own a pair of cowboy boots.
6. I drive a Japanese car.
7. The aforementioned car does not have a gun rack installed.
8. I want to shriek like a little girl whenever I see a large insect. (It's true what they say: everything is bigger in Texas.)
   
9. I like snow. And mountains.
   
10. I have never voted for George W. Bush. Really, that should be #1.

(This list is, of course, meant to be tongue-in-cheek. Texans are really nice people. Super nice. That's why I'm surprised by all the terrible drivers down here.)